The Four Questions

This week, we had our first meeting with the rabbi to talk about what we can expect leading up to the big day.

We started with the familiarities.
- How is the studying coming along?
- Does Andrew feel ready?
- Do we feel ready?
- Any questions?

Any questions, eh? Well, I had a few, but none that I was willing to publicly ask. Like...

...What if Andrew needs...well...you know...to "see a man about a horse", in the middle of the service? Is there a secret handshake or motion he gives to the rabbi to create a distraction? Or is that why sermons' exist? In the event, the Bar Mitzvah boy needs to step out, a sermon will commence so that said boy can leave without anyone noticing.

...What if an outspoken congregant heckles us? I know this isn't the Comedy Club, but once, I was at a service where the guest rabbi was giving a lecture and was going on and on. An older lady emphatically let the rabbi know he needed to finish. She said loudly, enough for everyone to hear, that the rabbi had talked long enough and he needed to sit down. True story. So, I ask, has this ever happened during a Dvar Torah, or when the parents get up to talk?

...Also, since we bring the boy, does the Shul bring the challah and wine? You never really think about how the ritual food items get set up. And while it may seem silly, how silly is it if we forgot to bring something as simple as bread up to the bimah? I can just see it. The service ends, and no one can be adjourned because we can't say ha motzi.

...What is the appropriate honor for Billy Joel? An aliyah? Opening the ark? Okay...truth-be-told, Danny and I invited Billy to our wedding. He was going through a messy divorce with his then wife Christie Brinkley. We didn't hear back one way or the other, but we honestly understood, given his heartbreak and all. So, sensing that there really shouldn't be anything holding him back from coming to the Bar Mitzvah...except the weather of course... we should plan to give him an honor if he RSVP's yes, right?

I'm sure you agree. Questions like these shouldn't be shared with the rabbi. In fact, questions like these shouldn't be revealed to you. Truthfully, it's comic relief from the "oh boy, here we go" jitters we're getting as we realize this milestone is definitely becoming reality!