Functional Literacy -- Part Shtayim (2)

While Andrew may not completely realize it today, his religious school experience is practically Ivy League.

Growing up in Fargo, Danny attended Sunday school at Temple Beth El. He was joined by three or four other kids, and occasionally more when a Jewish family moved to town affiliated with NDSU or the hospital. Unlike my Beta tape tutorials, Danny got the full experience. He learned about the holidays, Israel and occasionally goofed off with the other kids.

When it came time for Danny's Bar Mitzvah, however, the experience was more rote than trope. While Andrew's training began in third grade, Danny's began about nine months before the big day. Andrew spent months learning trope, the musical notes Torah readers follow when chanting the Torah. Danny was given a cassette tape, and was tasked to listen and memorize the melody.

In our opinion, Andrew's Bar Mitzvah training has been top rate. For the past five years, Andrew has attended Talmud Torah -- and not via video. For three years, he's attended Saturday school with more than 50 or so kids. He was given a DVD to familiarize himself with his portion, however, his instructors have made sure that he not only reads the words but also understands what the words mean.

The similar thread that runs through Andrew, Danny and my experience is the value placed on being Jewish. Our parents, Danny and I would agree that it doesn't matter how the experience is packaged -- the number of kids in the class, the method for learning the melody. It's just a gift we are proud to share.

Functional Literacy -- Part 1

Our son is a Hebrew scholar. Of course we're going to think so, we're his parents. However, truly understanding why we say this has so much to do with mine and Danny's own Hebrew education.

Growing up in Minot, ND, my parents worked hard to make sure I had a strong sense of my Jewish identity. We lit the candles most Friday nights. I went to a Jewish summer camp from the time I was 10 until I graduated high school. And they worked with the Minneapolis Talmud Torah to help teach me how to read Hebrew.

Many of you have heard this story, but it's worth repeating. I think it was when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, I learned how to read Hebrew on Beta video tapes sent to me from the Talmud Torah.

No, this was not a video collection my parents found on the QVC for the low, low price of $29.99 a month for six months. And no, Beta in those days didn't mean test mode. Beta was a video format like VHS.

My parents would slip in the awkwardly-large tape into the VCR, and on the screen a teacher stood before a chalkboard in the classroom and instructed me on the Hebrew alphabet, and how the sounds came together to form the words on the page.

Ironically, there was always a lot of commotion going on outside the room, and as I write this I'm beginning to wonder if it was any of you who grew up in Minneapolis running through the halls...hmmm...

Following the lesson, my Dad and I would sit, side-by-side, squished together, on an over-sized 1970's, orange chair. Together, we'd read out loud from a book that accompanied the lesson from the tape. Sounds like an Andy Warholstein image, right? Well, no, not exactly. Here's how I remember it:

Me: I can't remember the sounds!
Dad: Let's start again
Me: (energy rising) I don't want to do this
Dad: Just read it through
Me: (tears) nooooo!
Dad: Let's keep going
Me: (emphatic) FINE!

Due to Dad's perseverance through my stubbornness, I did learn to read Hebrew. Sadly, I read like a 1st grader reads English. While everyone else in services davens a mile-a-minute, I slowly read through the sounds.

Andrew also started learning to read Hebrew around 3rd grade. However, his instruction was in an actual Talmud Torah classroom. No tears. Sadly, no oversized, orange chair -- I did love that chair. Andrew remembers the sounds and his ready fluency is fluid.

This concludes part one. But, I'm sure you're wondering - was Danny Bar Mitzvah'ed? Will Heidi be able to help Andrew learn trope? Will Andrew find a carpool to Talmud Torah? All these questions and more will be answered in Part 2 of Functional Literacy. Please watch your emails for the next installment...

Warm Thoughts

Take a look at the weather widget in the right column. Tonight it says 44 degrees, but feels like 71 degrees. Let's all collectively remember this moment. ...ahhhh, nice.

Let's face it, weather in Minnesota can be unpredictable. The night before Andrew was born, December 31st, the weather was warm. The day he was born it was chilly. The day after he was born a big storm blew in, and when it came time for his Bris, it was 40 below zero.

I tell you this because it's possible Andrew's Bar Mitzvah might land during some chilly weather. But here's what I say...Let's embrace it!

Here's how we've warmed up Andrew's birthday over the past 12 years.

We declare his birthday a national holiday -- Well that was already done for us. Andrew's birthday is January 1. And while he wasn't born anytime close to midnight on the 31st, every year we stay up and count down to his birthday.

We've made the day extra "suite" -- One lucky year, we watched the Timberwolves from my employer's corporate suite. Nevermind that the team wasn't too good, we felt extra fancy hangin' like superstars watching the game.

We mix up some fun -- Jordan is a Food Network fan, and each year he bakes up a cake for Andrew for us all to enjoy.

Here's our word to the wise. Pack your long underwear, your snuggie, your parka, gloves, scarf and hat. But also be ready to celebrate and break a sweat on the dance floor!

Eliya Shmuel

When I told Danny we were pregnant with Andrew, there was a pregnant pause. I was excited, he was excited, but going through both of our minds was the same thought...things are going to be a changin'.

We didn't talk about the pregnancy alot, let alone what we wanted to name the baby once he/she joined the world. About 14 weeks into the pregnancy, while driving in the car, we gently started the naming conversation.

me: Danny, what names do you like?
Danny (with a sly eye): well, if it's a boy, maybe Alberto Javier Alejandro.
me: huh?

The next conversation, was again in the car:

me: Danny, have you thought anymore about the name?
Danny (again with the sly eye): Well...if it's a boy, Alberto Javier Alejandro Buddafucco Inigo Montoya Geller
me: huh? seriously?
Danny (darn that eye): Of course! Alberto Javier Alejandro because we want him to be an all-star baseball player, and those are the best baseball names; Buddafucco, well I don't know... And; Inigo Montoya because he was a great character from Princess Bride.
me: What about if it's a girl?
Danny: ummm....Bob

We didn't talk much again about the name until it got closer to the due date. What we did know, however, was that we wanted to give the baby, if it was a boy, the Hebrew names of my grandfather (Eliya) on my mom's side, and Danny's grandfather (Shmuel) on his Dad's side.

Jewish tradition says that baby's are named after a family member who has passed away. Not only are you passing a name down, but you are also passing what you remember to be the most beautiful qualities of that person. For me, my Papa, Eli (Eliya), was a gentle soul. Soft spoken and always put family first. Qualities, I am so proud to see come to life in Andrew. For Danny, his Grandpa, Sam (Shmuel) always looked out for those closest to him, family was important, and most important was his faith. Again, qualities that are ever present in Andrew.

You all know the end to the naming story. We didn't go with Alberto Javier Alejandro Buddafucco Inigo Montoya Geller. Although Andrew does love to play baseball, and has watched the Princess Bride a number of times.

No, we went with Andrew Sam (Eliya Shmuel). And we know that while Papa and Grandpa are no longer with us, we hold their memory in our hearts and honor their names through Andrew.

The theme: It's all about...

When Andrew turned two, I hosted a color-themed party. Blue was the color. The kids dressed in blue. The jello I made was blue. The balloons were blue. The cupcakes of course were blue, which turned all the kids' mouths' blue.

So, why blue? I was obsessed with creating an early memory for Andrew. I was convinced that if I had a simple theme Andrew would remember the big day, and of course the party.

Here's a little sidebar. Truth be told, ever since I was 10, I've wanted to pull memories from when I was two and one. I've spent a lot of time over the years trying to remember those days. Hey, I'm an only child. Sometimes entertainment is hard to come by!

But...I digress. A few years ago, I asked Andrew the ever so important question, "Do you remember the theme of your second birthday?" I gave him a hint, and told him it was a color. His answer? "Was it green?"

Was it green. Was it green? Seriously? After all my deliberate efforts to make a mark on his memory, he asks, was it green?

Needless to say, I don't concentrate much on themes anymore. So, no, Andrew doesn't have a theme. HOWEVER, we do have a goal. We hope that everyone feels that after the weekend celebrations are over, you know a little more about Andrew. Maybe his favorite sports teams, or his favorite music, or his favorite color.

If pushed, I'd say the theme is Andrew. It's all about him. And we couldn't be more proud!

The Four Questions

This week, we had our first meeting with the rabbi to talk about what we can expect leading up to the big day.

We started with the familiarities.
- How is the studying coming along?
- Does Andrew feel ready?
- Do we feel ready?
- Any questions?

Any questions, eh? Well, I had a few, but none that I was willing to publicly ask. Like...

...What if Andrew needs...well...you know...to "see a man about a horse", in the middle of the service? Is there a secret handshake or motion he gives to the rabbi to create a distraction? Or is that why sermons' exist? In the event, the Bar Mitzvah boy needs to step out, a sermon will commence so that said boy can leave without anyone noticing.

...What if an outspoken congregant heckles us? I know this isn't the Comedy Club, but once, I was at a service where the guest rabbi was giving a lecture and was going on and on. An older lady emphatically let the rabbi know he needed to finish. She said loudly, enough for everyone to hear, that the rabbi had talked long enough and he needed to sit down. True story. So, I ask, has this ever happened during a Dvar Torah, or when the parents get up to talk?

...Also, since we bring the boy, does the Shul bring the challah and wine? You never really think about how the ritual food items get set up. And while it may seem silly, how silly is it if we forgot to bring something as simple as bread up to the bimah? I can just see it. The service ends, and no one can be adjourned because we can't say ha motzi.

...What is the appropriate honor for Billy Joel? An aliyah? Opening the ark? Okay...truth-be-told, Danny and I invited Billy to our wedding. He was going through a messy divorce with his then wife Christie Brinkley. We didn't hear back one way or the other, but we honestly understood, given his heartbreak and all. So, sensing that there really shouldn't be anything holding him back from coming to the Bar Mitzvah...except the weather of course... we should plan to give him an honor if he RSVP's yes, right?

I'm sure you agree. Questions like these shouldn't be shared with the rabbi. In fact, questions like these shouldn't be revealed to you. Truthfully, it's comic relief from the "oh boy, here we go" jitters we're getting as we realize this milestone is definitely becoming reality!